....Perfect

Introducing Joseph David Jr.

Born Sunday, Jan. 31, 2010

6:53 p.m.

6 lb. 4oz.

and he's perfect

Week 34....

Well I've been quite busy. Last week was a whirlwind of emotions for me. With Mila's Angelversary, it was mostly what I can think about, but I'll save that for another post for my babygirl.

The week started off ok. Lil Joey has been really bruising me up in there. All he seems to do now is stretch, and I mean really stretch out. It's painful but reassuring. At my doc appointment, everything went well. We did our first NST and of course Joey stopped moving once I sat on that recliner. I knew that would happen. He was so active for the doc but once that NST started.... nothing. So poor lil guy had to be buzzed to get moving. If felt like the nurse was about to shank me. Actually it really was like she was shanking me. Not painful at all, it was just her movements. But it did get the lil guy moving and he did great. Joe and I just sat back on the recliners they had in there which were sooooo comfortable that I was knocking out. Hearing lil Joey's heartbeating the entire time was soothing. When we were all done, we went to get some blood work to check my bile acid levels and off we went.

Thursday came along and I was a mess. The doctor called me really early with the results of my test. Well my bile acid levels doubled to a 20 since the prior week. I tried to stay as calm as possible talking to him but once I hung up and called Joe and I was a mess. It's not so bad actually but I can't help but worry. As much as everyone says not to worry, I can not help it. The doc upped my meds and we are inducing earlier now. Today we find out the exact date when we go in for our appointment. I haven't been feeling too too itchy all over like I did with Mila so I'm guessing I have the meds to thank for that.

All of last week I've had the worst nightmares too. So it's not helping me to relax. They all pretty much end the same. I'll spare the details of them. Don't want to go there right now. I'm just trying my hardest to stay as positive as I can and stress free but it's hard. But again I try for this lil miracle inside of me. Just thinking of him gets me by. Not too much longer until we meet face to face.

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

Your baby's crown-to-rump length this week is approximately 12.8 inches and the total length is around 19.8 inches at this time. Your baby now weighs almost 5 pounds. From your bellybutton, it is about 5.6 inches to the top of your uterus. Measurements of your uterus vary from woman to woman. You should not worry if you do not measure the exact same as your pregnancy friends or family members as long as you are growing appropriately. When your uterus grows and gets larger at an appropriate rate, it shows that your baby is growing well inside of your uterus. Your baby's hair continues to get longer and thicker. Your baby's hair color probably is not going to be the same color from birth onwards, so you should expect it to change in color. Your baby is shedding most of lanugo, but the amount of vernix caseosa is increasing. Your baby is taking calcium from you to lay down lots of bone. Continue to take your prenatal vitamins and drink milk to ensure that you receive enough calcium. If you were to deliver your baby now, it would probably be called a pre-term infant instead of premature. The only difference is in the maturity, particularly lung maturity. A pre-term baby is less likely to need intensive care because its lungs have developed. Doctors can test lung maturity with an amniocentesis that checks levels of surfactant. The baby now rests on your uterus and is no longer floating. Fingernails now reach over the finger tips and the baby can scratch itself.

and 1 yr ago today....

I can honestly say was the worst day of my life.

Week 33....

So here's the end of week 33. Longest week ever! I had to work 10.5 hours everyday. Oh yea, and while being sick might I add. I feel better now. I was just the beginning of a cold. It wasn't so bad. But Of course I got sick on my babyshower. I was trying not to get to close to people cuz I was hacking up a lung and that's pretty disgusting. Back to the babyshower though, I was so happy to see every single person who made it and cares for baby Joey and my family. We were extremely thankful! So thank you to the sisters who made this happen and put it all together! It was beautiful. Joe and I were overwhelmed with all of the gifts. They are very much appreciated. Now time to get those thank you card all written. That will be my project for the week.

We put the bassinet together that my love Tina B. got us and my God is it beautiful. We love it! Well Joe put it together and I supervised =P.Can't wait for Joey to test it out. We also put together the stroller that my brother and his wifey got us. We love it! I saw it online and saw that it had some of the best reviews on it. It looks way better in person. My mom was more excited than I was though cuz she can't wait to take her grandbaby on walks with her. We were going to "Dwight" test the stroller but decided against it. LOL.

So that leaves me now to my appointment and ultrasound from Tuesday. Everything went well. The baby is doing great but let me tell you that he didn't like being poked at all. He was kicking me so hard the whole time. My belly just kept making waves. Everyone in the room kept laughing at me. Of course when he usually moves like that, I try to soothe him by putting my hand over my belly.... not the best idea while getting an ultrasound. I kept getting my hand filled with goo. I did it like 3 times. gross. But overall everything went well with him and of course his hand was on his face the entire time. He really loves his hand =) His heart sounded fantastic at 160. And he weighs 4lbs. 15oz. exactly where he should be in the 50th percentile.

My sugar levels have been great so now I only have to poke my finger 9 times a week. Thank God because my poor lil fingers were getting sore. I also had some blood work done to check my bile acid levels. I had been itchy for the past couple of days so the Doc wanted to make sure they weren't rising. After that we discussed that from now on, every week that I have left, I will be having a NST (non stress test) after my doctors appointment to monitor the baby and have one more ultrasound before being induced. We were thinking at 38 weeks.

Well I got my test results back and my bile acid level actually increased to 10. It was a 7 at Christmas. Now 10 is borderline. Here's the breakdown, 1-10 is normal, at the start of 11 it's considered cholestasis, and anything higher than 20 is severe cholestasis. Now given my history the doctor decided to act on it now instead of waiting for my levels to rise, so he prescribed me urso to see if it will help. I feel pretty good about it. But now I wonder if they will induce me earlier. I started getting itchier these past couple of days, so now they will test me every week also to monitor my bile acid levels. For those that don't know what that is, look up cholestasis. I'm 1 out of a 1000 pregnancy's that have it. Lucky me right.

For the most part my anxiety level has been at a 6 from a scale of 1-10. I have Joe to thank for that. He keeps me sane. God I love him. I love everything about him. I thank God he is in my life everyday. Can't wait till the day we walk down that aisle.... that will be soon enough!

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

Your baby weighs about 4.4 pounds at this point. The crown-to-rump length of your baby is approximately 12 inches and the total length is around 19.4 inches. Measuring from the top of your uterus to your bellybutton is 5.2 inches. Total weight gain at this point of pregnancy is usually 22 to 28 pounds. With the exception of crying, your baby is capable of doing everything that a newborn baby will do. Your baby is restricted now inside of the uterus, but still can kick and move. Your baby sleeps a lot of the time, just as newborn babies do. Your baby's eyes move in the manner of REM sleep and researchers believe that babies can dream vividly in uterus. When your baby is awake, she is listening, feeling and learning. There are billions of neurons in the brain that make trillions of connections. Your baby will probably have settled into the birth position by now and your caregiver can most likely tell which way your baby is presenting. If your baby were to be born now, the lungs would probably be strong enough to function properly, but your baby may still need extra care from specially trained doctors and nurses. Your baby's eyes open during alert times and close during sleep. The eye color is usually blue, regardless of the permanent color as pigmentation is not fully developed. The final formation of eye pigmentation requires exposure to light and usually happens a few weeks after birth.

Week 32....

So week 32.... lots of pricking going on with my fingers. Everything went ok for the most part. My blood sugar has been right on target so that was great. My doctors appointment went fantastic. Baby Joey was moving non stop especially when trying to listen to his heart. It was at 160. He just would not stop kicking. We all had a laugh. My meeting with the dietitian went ok. It was a little bit pointless but then again it was for my baby so it did have importance. Tomorrow we go it for an ultrasound and I can not wait to see how big this lil babe has grown. 3-5 weeks left =)

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

By week 32, your baby weighs nearly 4 pounds! The crown-to-rump length of your baby is approximately 11.7 inches and the total length is about 18.9 inches. Your uterus is now 5 inches above your bellybutton. Sleeping boy. the baby sleeps 90-95% of the day, and sometimes experiences REM sleep, an indication of dreaming. Now that your baby has grown so long and your uterus is higher, you might notice a new discomfort. Your baby is probably head-down and may occasionally stretch out and kick you in the ribs. The pressure on your rib cage can make you sore, especially if one of your baby's feet becomes caught. You can prevent this by sitting up straight as much as possible. Because your baby's demands for vitamins and minerals are higher than ever right now, you should continue to take your parental vitamins for the entire pregnancy. This week your baby's movements will peak. You should continue to monitor the fetal movements daily and address any concerns with your caregiver. The wrinkles in your baby's face are disappearing and fat is still being deposited throughout the baby's body. The body growth slows down from now on. Because of the lack of space in the uterus, the legs are drawn up in what is known as the fetal position. As a preparation for breastfeeding, your baby has learned to root for the breast. The baby will turn its head if touched on the cheek and open its mouth if the bottom lip is tickled. By this time the baby can also suck and swallow in a coordinated way.

Week 31....

Gestational Diabetes! booooo to that. I barely failed the 3 hr Glucose tolerance test. I am now testing my blood 4 times a day for the next 3 weeks to monitor my blood sugar. Fun. So far it's been pretty normal. It could be that I cut back on all the sweets that my sweet tooth was craving. Hard Candy, my greatest weakness. We'll see how that goes. I meet with a dietitian on Wednesday. It's not like I was over indulging or anything. In fact I've only gained 13 pounds in this pregnancy. Doctor G keeps telling me to put on that weight and I'm trying! I really am. But now I'm paranoid about what to eat. So therefore, meeting with the dietitian. I have 4-6 weeks left. The longest 4-6 weeks in my life. Baby Joey is doing great. His heart beat was at 150 when we heard it last Tuesday. My belly was measuring right on target meaning he most likely is too. I have a growth ultrasound coming soon so I can't wait to see him up on that monitor again. I feel him getting bigger and stronger. He's found the habit of kicking my ribs regularly now. I'm scared to what that's going to feel like in the next couple of weeks. eek. It's OK it helps me know that he's just living it up in there. The pain I feel is comfort to me. That's the way I see it =)

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

Your baby is continuing to grow each week that you remain pregnant. Your baby's crown-to-rump length is nearly 11.2 inches and total length is approximately 18 inches. Your baby weighs approximately 3.5 pounds at this point. Your uterus is about 4.4 inches above your bellybutton and continues to get larger. An average weight gain at this point is between 21 and 27 pounds. The weight that you gain is made up of your baby, placenta, blood supply, uterus, breasts, fat, water storage and amniotic fluid. This week marks an incredible milestone in your baby's lung development. Before now, the air sacs and branches in your baby's lungs were present but not functional. The lungs were not able to inflate properly. However, now there is surfactant being produced in your baby's lungs. Surfactant prevents your baby's lungs from collapsing outside of the uterus and the baby is able to take in air and breathe properly. The fetal ear is almost completely developed both inside and out. Your baby can hear your voice and other familiar sounds that she will recognize after birth. Your baby is putting on white fat under the skin and the skin's color is pink instead of red at this point. Your baby's fingernails have grown to the end of her fingers and she may scratch herself while she is in the womb.

so long to you 2009....

You've changed my life in so many ways.

2009 truly was the turning point in my life.

Here's to a hopefully better 2010 for everyone.

God Bless and Happy New Year

28-30 Weeks

I just realized that I missed three weeks! I've been pretty busy with the holidays but I finally found some time to write. Baby Joey is doing great. He's so active! Still somersaulting in my belly it feels like. As we get closer and closer to his arrival, I can't help to get more anxious. I want him here now! But of course I can wait. His daddy and I are so amazed by him already that I can't imagine what it will be like when we meet him. Counting down the days! We've been going to the doc more often now. We went in for another ultrasound and were able to see Joey move his lips and saw him breathing! It makes my heart literally melt when I see that. I also had to go in to do the glucose screening which I failed so I had to do the 3 hour glucose tolerance test on Saturday. God was is torture. I felt so sick after that. I was just glad that Joe was able to go with me. He's such a great hubby. He truly is my better half.

We tried to go see Mila but the weather here hasn't been the greatest. It sucks because I haven't been able to go. I miss going there and just escape. But sadly I don't think I'll be able to go until after I deliver. I wouldn't want to get sick or anything or even risk the chance of falling on some ice. I know she's with us where ever we go and I know that she knows that we love her even if we can't go to the cemetary. I miss my babygirl. I just keep reminding myself that I will be able to see her again one day and I know in my heart that she is safe and happy. I know she is. =)


According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

WEEK 28:

Your baby's crown-to-rump length is approximately 10 inches and the total length of your growing baby is around 15.75 inches. Your baby weighs about 2.4 pounds at this point. Your uterus is a little more than 3 inches above your bellybutton. Your weight gain at this time should be between 17 and 24 pounds. Your baby's brain continues to develop and is now forming the folds and grooves of a fully developed brain. The amount of tissues within the brain also continues to increase in large amounts. The hair that covers your baby's scalp is also getting longer. Your baby is now large enough for presentation to be determined and your doctor might be able to find out if your baby is at risk for being breech. If your baby is breech, don't panic. There is still time for the baby to rotate.

WEEK 29:

At this point in your pregnancy, your baby's crown-to-rump length is approximately 10.4 inches and the total length of your baby is around 16.7 inches. Your baby weighs about 2.7 pounds and continues to grow every day. If you measure from your bellybutton, your uterus is 3.5 to 4 inches above it. Total weight gain at this point is usually between 19 and 25 pounds. Babies that are born prematurely can be very tiny. Even a baby that is only a few weeks early can be very small. Your baby will grow rapidly from now until week 36, and then at a slower rate thereafter. Generally, boys weigh more than girls at birth. The average baby's birth weight at full term is 7 to 7.5 pounds. Your baby will continue to open and close his eyes in the womb and may be able to see silhouettes of objects or even people in the right amount of light. Your baby should be moving many times throughout the day. Some of your baby's movements will be predictable and if you notice a decrease in fetal movements, you should lie down and do a fetal kick count. You should feel your baby move approximately ten times in an hour. If you do not notice the proper amount of movements, you should contact your healthcare provider. Research has shown that your baby is not only able to hear, but also able to recognize your own voice. This shows that your baby can already learn, remember and recognize.

WEEK 30:

You may feel as if you have been pregnant forever at this point. It might be hard to imagine being pregnant for another ten weeks, but your baby still has a lot of growing and developing to do! By this time, your baby's crown-to-rump length is a little over 10.8 inches and the total length of your baby is about 17 inches! Your baby weighs about 3 pounds now. Your uterus can be felt about 4 inches above your bellybutton. Your uterus, baby, placenta and the amount of fluid will get larger over the next ten weeks. You should be gaining about a pound a week at this time. Even though your baby is cushioned by the amniotic fluid, she can feel and respond to pain. Your baby now does `practice breathing` to get ready for life outside of your womb. If you have an ultrasound at this time, you will be able to see this. If your baby swallows amniotic fluid down the wrong passage, she will still get hiccups that are noticeable by you. If your baby were born at this time, she would be able to keep herself warm. The skin begins to smoothen as fat deposits accumulate underneath. The fat insulates and is an energy source.

27 Weeks....

Last week of the second trimester! woooo! For the most part everything went ok for week 27. I started getting braxton hicks contractions every half hour for like 3 hours but that was only one day so that's ok. I had an ultrasound on Friday and it went great! Baby Joey now weighs about 2lbs 11 oz. We saw him breathing and he got an 8 out of 8. Good job hunny! I just love seeing him on the screen. We took my mom this time since she's never seen an ultrasound before so she loved it. He's again still jumping up and down on my bladder. It sucks but it does ease my nerves a bit. I just keep thinking 8 more weeks! 8 more weeks and this little guy who has been kicking me for so long inside of me can be kicking me on the outside. We're so excited. Cant' wait for everyone to meet him.

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

You are now in the third trimester, and last, of your pregnancy! Your baby's crown-to-rump length is about 9.6 inches and your baby's total length is approximately 15.3 inches! Your baby now weighs about 2 pounds 3 ounces and is going to grow rapidly during this last trimester! Your uterus is about 2.8 inches above your bellybutton. If your baby were born now, it would have an 85% chance of surviving. Even though your baby is still not fully developed, she would be well within the limits of premature viability. You still have approximately 13 weeks left of your pregnancy, and during this time your baby must continue to grow and develop. If your baby was born at this time, she would have several complications that would require special attention. Because babies do not have adequate amounts of fat at this time, your baby would have to be kept inside of an incubator for warmth. Because the air sacs in your baby's lungs do not yet have surfactant, she would require an artificial respirator. Your baby's brain, liver and immune system still need to develop more also. Your baby can develop hiccups.

[The 27 Week shot taken 11.28.09]

26 Weeks....

A little late on posting but it was a holiday week so I took advantage of it. I was a lazy bum most of this week. On Tuesday I had a doc appointment and I was able to see Dr. G. I love him. He is such a nice man. I've gained about 10 pounds total so he was satisfied with that. Well everything with Joey is going right on schedule. I was able to feel his head with my hands. It felt like a lemon. I received the H1N1 shot finally and I'm sooooo happy I didn't get sick from it like I did with the Flu shot. Dr. G and I discussed a little bit about what will go on for the next couple of weeks. I have an ultrasound on Friday and my doc appointments will be every two weeks from now on which means my next one is next Tuesday. Once I hit 32 weeks I will be going in everyweek. Then we'll discuss when I will be induced. So this little guy is coming alot sooner than we thought. When I told Joe the news it really hit me. I started to cry. It just felt that much more real. Can't wait.

In other baby Joey news, I felt him hiccup this week. It was so cute. He also made my belly wave like there was no tomorrow. Joe started talking to him and giving him kisses and he just went crazy in there. It just melts my heart.

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

By this week, your baby's crown-to-rump length is approximately 9.2 inches. Remember, that is only from the top of his head to his bottom and does not include his leg measurements! Your baby weighs almost 2 pounds and is beginning to put on weight. Your uterus is about 2.5 inches above your bellybutton and you will continue to grow approximately 1 cm each week. If you have been eating a well-balanced diet, you probably have gained about 16-22 pounds so far. Because your baby has moved further up, you may get occasional pain underneath your ribs. After a month of having his eyelids sealed shut, your baby begins to open his eyes again this week. Your baby's eyes are almost completely developed. Your baby's eyes are blue in the womb and may change colors later in life. This is true for all races because the pupils do not have their final color until a few months after birth. However, some babies are born with darker or lighter shades of blue. Your growing baby will continue to put on layers of fat until he is born. He is still lean at this point of the pregnancy though. By the time your baby is born, he will assume the typical newborn's plumpness. Your baby's skin will still be wrinkled and red, but the fat continues to fill the skin out. Finger and toe nails continue to grow. Blood vessels start to develop in the lungs to prepare the baby for life outside the uterus. Your baby's blood circulation is completely functional. The umbilical cord system continues to grow and thicken as blood travels with considerable force through the body to nurture the baby. The placenta is now almost equal in size to the baby. Even though it is still way too soon for your baby to be born yet, the chance of survival without severe abnormalities is now 70% provided it is born in a hospital.

[The 26 Week shot taken 11.21.09]

realizations....

I've come to realize that there are people that will never know what to do or say to a grieving mother. I just sit back and smile as best I could to go through with it. No matter how insensitive they are. It's not their fault they don't know the pain it is to lose a child. I am very happy for them that they don't know what it feels like and I pray that they never find out.

I've come to realize some people will never think of Mila as a real person. That however, I will not tolerate. She was as real as you and me. She was my first child, my first daughter.

And once again, I am a mother of TWO.

I've come to realize that some think I wasn't careful in my pregnancy with Mila and that what happened was somehow my fault. I did everything perfectly right with Mila. I had a wonderful pregnancy. I was very lucky for that. However, I was ignored when I was having symptoms to what led to everything that happened. To those people who ignored me.... FUCK YOU!

I've come realize over and over again that family is the most important thing in my life. My family are those that are closest to me. Being the same blood doesn't consider you my family. My real family are those who know my pain, who were there for me and Joe through our darkest hour and who will always be there for us as we will always be there for them. I have true love and am greatful for every single one of them.

I've come to realize that my little family although not complete here on this earth, will always be complete in my heart. And for that I am thankful.

I've come to realize....

"when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me, shine until tomorrow, let it be. I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be."

25 Weeks....

What a week. It was a great week. It started off with baby Joey's first concert. We went to the Metro to watch a friend play and oh boy was this baby moving everywhere. I'm pretty sure he bruised my insides. It was awesome though. I missed going to live shows. My love took my out on a date the next day which was perfect until we got home. I started having this horrible pain by my shoulder blade. I think I was laying on it weird. The pain continued on to the next morning. Every time I inhaled deeply, I felt sharp pain then all of a sudden in went away. Well now it's back. I think I slept wrong again. It's hard getting comfortable at night now. Also hard not to wake up in the middle of the night with the strong movements this lil babe makes. I love it though. It helps to calm my nerves.

I also went out to dinner with one of my best friends who I hadn't seen in months. It was great. We talked for hours. What I liked most was that we talked about Mila. I love when she gets acknowledged. I can't believe it's been almost 10 months. Wow. I miss her. This year has been a blur without her. I know she's smiling down on us though. I know and feel that she's in safe hands. I love you baby girl!

Well 99 Days left! My count down now begins. With the holidays coming up, I'm hoping it will fly by. Can't wait to meet the lil man inside of me that keeps beating me up. =)

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

Your baby's crown-to-rump length is about 8.8 inches. Weight has increased to around 1.5 pounds and fat is still being deposited at a high rate. Babies come in all shapes and sizes, so your baby could vary slightly from these `average` measurements. Your uterus has grown quite a bit bigger this week. The top of your uterus is between your bellybutton and your sternum. Your uterus is about the size of a soccer ball now! If your baby is delivered at this time, it would have a good chance of surviving. It is best for your baby to remain inside of you for the remainder of the pregnancy, but great advances have been made in the care of a premature baby. Ventilators, monitors and medications all help premature babies develop and grow outside of the womb. If your baby were born this early, he would probably have to spend several months in the hospital and would be more susceptible to infections and other complications. You can hear your baby's heartbeat with both a Doppler and a stethoscope at this time, and your partner may even be able to hear the heartbeat unaided if he puts his ear in the right position. Sex differentiation is being completed now. If you are expecting a baby boy, the testes start to descend into the scrotum. In baby girls, the vagina is hollowing out. Your baby is able to do more with their fingers now and can move his fingers to make a complete fist. As your baby becomes more dexterous, he will be able to touch and hold his feet. Babies also begin to prefer their left hand or right hand at this time. Because babies settle into routines of sleep and activity, you might begin to notice these patterns as well. Some women experience the most fetal movements while they are trying to rest.

~Tomorrow we start week 26

[The 25 Week shot taken 11.14.09]

blessed....

I like so many others have had to deal with an enormous amount of pain in our lives, with an emptiness in our hearts that will never be quite filled. However, I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. My Mila wasn't brought into our lives to cause us pain. I believe she was given to us to teach us about love. She was brought into our lives to teach us some lessons that maybe we haven't quite understood yet but we will when we are ready. And for that I am greatful.

I'm feeling truly blessed for everything I have in my life. God is great. I'm blessed to have the family and friends that I have, I'm blessed for my beautiful children God has gifted me with, and I'm extra blessed to have found my soul mate. The one person who has made me what I am today. He's amazing. I've found a special happiness with him that I never thought was possible. It's a bit cliche but he completes me.

Never take for granted what you have.

I believe there is someone out there for everyone. Never settle for less. Be with the one you love who shows you that same love back. What's meant to be will be. If you haven't found that yet, don't stress. God has a plan for you. You'll find your partner to walk in this life with.

Everything happens for a reason. Life gives you lessons. Those lessons lead the path to your survival. To your happiness which is what the majority of people thrive for. Fight for your happiness. Don't get buried alive.

"Life's not a song
Life isn't bliss
Life is just this:
It's living
You'll get along
The pain that you feel
You only can heal
By living
You have to go on living"

24 Weeks....

The belly has officially become a magnet. Not in the annoying way yet but maybe it's because it's been people who I really know and not just some random strangers. I'm sleeping less and less these days. I wake up way too easily with lil Joey's kicks. He's doing so good. At the ultrasound last Friday he's was moving everywhere. He weighs 1lb. 10oz! A little above average. That's my boy! It's so amazing how big he's gotten. Our ultrasound tech was awesome. Sweet lady. She always gives us a ton a pics. She even checked for the money shot again and yup still a penis. Joe and I just stared at the screen in awe. He was breached this time but they said that was normal so not worried about it. That would explain the jumping on my bladder that I've been feeling. Can not wait to meet him! Well yes I can wait but hopefully the next 15 weeks or so fly by. Oh and I've also started walking this week. I've been walking 1 mile everyday and feel great. I have Tina to thank for that. =)

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

This week your baby's crown-to-rump length is around 8.4 inches and your baby will weigh approximately 1.2 pounds. Although it weighs a little over a pound at this point, your growing baby is still tiny. Your uterus can easily be felt 1.5 to 2 inches above your bellybutton. The fetus does not appear to have much room in the uterus anymore, but as your pregnancy progresses, space gets much tighter! Your baby's face is basically complete now. The fetus's eyes are close together on the front of his face and they are still shut. Your baby's ears have moved into their final position on the sides of his head. Where they are now is where they will be when your baby is born! Hair will continue to grow on his scalp and his eyelashes are well developed. Most of your baby's features look the same as they will at birth. Because your growing baby is getting plumper, he no longer has room in your tummy to do cartwheels and somersaults. the unborn child is covered with a fine, downy hair called lanugo. Its tender skin is protected by a waxy substance called vernix. Some of this substance may still be on the child's skin at birth at which time it will be quickly absorbed. The child practices breathing by inhaling (up to a liter/day) amniotic fluid into developing lungs.

rina = author?....

I should really consider writing a book on things not to say or do to a baby lost mama. I mean really? The blind ignorance in some. Parading your child who was born the same time My Mila was born and saying are you sure you're ready for this or I bet you can't wait for this. Really? Actually that should be me. Trade places with me and see how that would feel. I know it's not done purposely to hurt me but come on! And for the douche that keeps on being a bigger douche, this is my second child! I feel I'm going to blow up at the next person who ignores Mila's existence.

Other than that I have been more of a positive person. Or at least trying to. This weekend was testing me a bit. Still trying to accept people for who they are knowing that they aren't going to change and to just get used to the fact. They have to be in my life no matter what so I pretty much have to. It takes alot of technique to just sit there and take some of their comments. I actually got quite embarassed at what someone made a big deal of in front of a whole room of people by twisting my words around. I haven't been embarassed in a long time but that sure got to me. Some people.... I hate the fact that people with a low self esteem have to make others feel lower than them to feel better about themselves. What ever makes their life better I guess. Again, I promise to be more accepting and not let it get to me. It's hard though. I know I'm in no way perfect, but I would never make some one feel stupid in front of others.

I have been in a better place for the most part and I can thank my beautiful fiance for that. I love him so much and he truly makes life that much better. He's my rock. He's my everything.

23 Weeks....

Ultrasound today! Yay I'm excited to see Joey up on the screen. I pray he is doing well. It sure seems like it with all the moving he does around in there. I've been feeling a lot better. And I feel like I'm getting a lot bigger. It's exciting. Being pregnant has it's ups and downs but secretly I Love it. I love being able to bond with little Joey in my womb. Can't wait to meet him. I can't wait to hold him. Seems like an eternity away but we'll get there. Trying to stay positive. Wow 16 more weeks to go. AAahhhhh

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

This week your baby's length, from crown-to-rump, is approximately 8 inches! Your growing baby has finally reached one pound. Your baby is about the size of a small baby doll and looks very human. The baby's face and body look similar to that of a newborn at this time. Your uterus can be found about 1.5 inches above your navel. Your total weight gain should be approximately 15 pounds at this time. You might notice some Braxton-Hicks contractions around this time. These contractions are not regular and they should not be painful. Braxton-Hicks contractions prepare your body for the upcoming labor and they will get stronger as your pregnancy progresses. You might be able to feel the contractions if you put your hand on your abdomen and your baby can probably feel the uterus gripping and massaging her. It will not harm your baby, so there is no need for concern. Fat is still being deposited at a rapid rate, but your baby still looks red and wrinkled. Skin is being produced at a higher rate than the fat is, so the skin hangs loosely. Your baby looks red because the skin is losing its transparency and pigment is beginning to form. You should be feeling your baby moving quite a bit throughout the day as she will kick and punch the uterus walls. Babies also run their hands along the umbilical cord and touch their body parts while they are in the womb. Your baby now can suck her thumb for real, where she was just sticking it in her mouth. Your baby will continue to swallow amniotic fluid and recycle it as urine. The liquids and sugars that the baby retracts from the fluid is a supplement to the nutrients that the placenta delivers. You might be able to feel small `jumps` inside of you when your baby gets the hiccups from swallowing fluid. The pancreas is developing and it will responsible for insulin production, to help break down sugars. Oily fish in your diet could help boost your baby's health. (Women who eat oily fish while pregnant have children with better visual development, a major study at Bristol University suggests.) As the baby continues to grow, it has less space to move around in the uterus. Bones, muscles and organs are growing steadily.

~Tomorrow we start week 24

22 Weeks....

What a week. It started off ok. Tuesday I went to the doc's office. I stopped at the cemetery right before my appointment to change Mila's flowers and noticed all of her decorations were gone. I forgot the cemetery does a cleaning in October. It's ok though. I'll buy her more when I go next time. It just felt so good to be there with her with all of the fresh air. I love my time there with her as strange as that may sound. I said my see ya later and off I went to the hospital. The appointment went pretty good for the most part. A nurse came in and gave me a flu shot. They had just received a new batch of them so I was lucky they told me. I guess a lot of pregnant women there were coming down with the flu so it's a good thing I got the shot. The H1N1 shot wasn't available. They should be getting more next week so I'll try then when I go in for my ultrasound. I was highly against getting it at first but I quickly changed my mind. Well actually Joe changed my mind and I'm glad he did. Anything that I can do to keep my baby safe is what I will do. I don't want to take my chances. Too many people around me have been getting the swine flu and that's something that I do not want. So hopefully I'll get it next week.

My doctor was on vacation so her partner came in to see me. She was annoying. The way she was asking about Mila was just weird to me. She was missing a sensitivity chip. Whatever. I'm just glad she's not my doctor. Lil Joey's heart beat was 140. It sounds perfect. She found it right away. My next appointment is in 4 weeks. That's where we'll decide how we're going to monitor the rest of my pregnancy. It most likely means more visits and blood work taken to monitor my bile acid levels. I pray that they stay as normal as possible for as long as possible.

When I got home I started feeling a little sick and sure enough BAM! I was sick. I missed work two days. I didn't want to get the other pregnant mommy sick =) Ugh but I felt so horrible. That damn flu shot! It's ok though. I'm over it. I'm back to my routine. I stayed in bed for those two days and my God this baby moves so much more than I thought. He was non stop moving! But that's what I like to feel. A wonderful active baby!

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

Your baby's crown-to-rump length is approximately 7.6 inches and your growing baby weighs about 12.25 ounces now! Your uterus is about 2 cm above your bellybutton. Your baby's body continues to grow and develop every day. The organ systems in your baby's body are becoming specialized for their particular functions. The fetal liver produces different enzymes than it will produce after delivery. The liver is responsible for breaking down billirubin, which is produced by the breaking down of blood cells. Because the life span of a fetal red blood cell is shorter than that of an adult, a fetus produces more billirubin than adults do. Billirubin passes from fetal blood to the placenta and then into your blood. Your liver helps get rid of fetal billirubin. A newborn baby that has high levels of billirubin may show signs of jaundice. Jaundiced babies have a yellowish tint to their eyes and skin and are often treated with phototherapy. Your baby's senses are developing daily. The fetus now has a full complement of neurons in the brain and is learning about her body and surroundings through touch. Touch is one of the first senses to mature and your baby may stroke its face or feel her arms and legs. Your blood volume has increased more to meet the demands of your pregnancy. Most of the increase is in the form of plasma, the liquid part of your blood. This has the ability to dilute your blood and give you physiological anemia, which occurs during pregnancy. The measure of blood dilution is called Hematocrit and the levels reach their lowest points this week. You should check with your doctor to make sure you are not developing more serious forms of anemia. Your baby now shows an extremely rapid brain growth (which lasts until five years after birth).

~Tomorrow we start week 23

Happy Halloween!!!!

21 Weeks....

I had no leg cramps this week so that was great. The baby's been moving everywhere and now Joe and I can see my belly move when Joey kicks. Joe's voice gets the baby so excited. Whenever I first see Joe after work and he talks to my belly, Joey goes crazy! It's like he knows that's his daddy. Mila would always do the same thing too. I love it. I love that they can have a bond with him like that even while in the womb.

It started off as a pretty shitty week. My emotions were everywhere, but every day that I would wake up, I started over. Everyday to me is a fresh new start. By the end of the week, I'm feeling so much better. I try just to stay at peace with myself. I try to have appreciation for every thing that I get. I try to be a more loving person. I am/was a grudge holder. I'm changing that. I've learned that there's nothing so horrible someone has done to me to make me hate them. So yes, I don't hate anyone. If you think you are hated by me, you're not. On the contrary, I have love for those who have taught me valuable lessons in this life. I thank those who've helped mold me to the person I am today. Anyone up for a fresh new start? I am. So I will be here, at peace in that aspect of my life. Now if you hate me, that's a whole other story. Just know I apologize for whatever nonsense I have caused.

All you need is love....
It took having my little family to realize that and it has made me a happier person.

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

Your baby's blood circulation is completely functional. The umbilical cord system continues to grow and thicken as blood travels with considerable force through the body to nurture the baby. The placenta is now almost equal in size to the baby. Your baby will be getting much larger during the second half of your pregnancy. Your baby's crown-to-rump length at this time is 7.2 inches and she weighs approximately 10.5 ounces. Your growing baby is about the size of a large banana. You should be able to feel your uterus about a half of an inch above your navel. Your weight gain so far will be around 10 to 15 pounds. Your baby's different organs and systems are maturing. The fetal digestive system is functioning in a simple way and your baby can swallow amniotic fluid. After your baby swallows the amniotic fluid, she is able to absorb water and sugars from the fluid and then the waste is passed as far as the large bowel. Your baby swallows the amniotic fluid in order to prepare itself for life outside of the womb. Some babies consume as much as 17 ounces of amniotic fluid in a 24-hour period. Your baby already has a high number of red blood cells and the white blood cells are beginning to be produced. Taste buds are being formed on your baby's tongue this week also.

~Tomorrow we start week 22

20 Weeks....

THE HALFWAY MARK! My love took me out to dinner for a mini celebration. I started the week with a new attitude. A more positive one. And it's made me a happier person. Exactly what I want my lil man to feel. At the same time, I've cried more in this week than in previous weeks. They were much needed tears. No sobbing, just tears. It's a step up. My lil girl dried them away. It makes me feel better. I miss her so much, but I know she is with me always. It's comforting to know that. I've been reading a lot more about Cholestasis. If I'm going to get it again, I want to be as prepared as I could be. I started reading blogs from woman who've had it. I'm tired of reading all of the medical websites about it. I think I've read every single one out there. I believe that reading about actual woman who have gone through it can be very helpful. It gives me a sense of hope.

Well Joey has been kicking me harder and harder each day. I love it. However it does freak me out how hard they are going to get once he gets bigger. He's about the size of a banana right now. It makes me giggle when I read weekly updates about pregnancy and they compare your child to fruits. I've been forever having to go to the bathroom too! It's nonstop. I honestly think he is jumping up and down on my poor bladder. And last but not least, those dreaded leg cramps have begun! Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!! I thought I was going to be on the clear this time around since I hadn't experienced them, but oh boy was i wrong. I've woken up almost every night this week with the most intense pain in my calf. At least I know now how to get rid of them. I just get up and start walking. It usually goes right away. So much for wishful thinking, hehehe.

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

This week marks the half way point of your pregnancy. It has been 18 weeks since the date of conception and your baby's crown-to-rump length is 5.6 to 6.4 inches. The fetus weighs about 9 ounces and your belly definitely has an obvious bulge. Your waistline has expanded and is no longer visible. Your uterus has now moved up enough that it is pushing your abdomen outwards. The top of your uterus is even with or just below your navel. Your baby's skin begins to thicken this week and will develop four layers. Your baby's sebaceous glands secrete a waxy substance called vernix caseosa. Your baby will be born with this wax and it will look like paste. The vernix caseosa is crucial because it protects the fetus' fragile skin from the continuous immersion in amniotic fluid. Lanugo hairs secure the vernix caseosa in place and it is thick around the eyebrows. Scalp hair and toenails are beginning to form at this point. Hair can also be seen on the upper lip and eyebrows.

~Tomorrow we start week 21

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day ~ October 15th....

and on this day I light a candle for you my little angel. I hope you can see it from where you are. I love you and miss you each and every day. You are my sunshine babygirl. You will always be.