back to the routine....

It was my first day back at work today. Not to bad. Going back to the same old routine is kind of what I needed. I'm not going to lie, it was hard. I cried all the way there and all the way home. I try to act as if nothing bothers me around others. I rather not make anyone else feel akward. It drowns me when I'm alone though. I accept everything that has happened however that doesn't mean I still don't find it believable. I wish there was a time machine invented. I would go back in time and maybe find some things out sooner. It's only a wish, a wish that no one will ever grant me. The only reason I am moving foward is because of all the people that I love, and that I know love me. If it wasn't for God, Joe, my family & friends, and MJ who I know is watching over me, I don't know what I would have done. I honestly think I would have self destruct a while ago. It's good to know I'm not alone. As lonely as I feel sometimes, I know I'm not. Love is a great feeling. It's what helps heal open wounds that unfortunately will never close.

Mila I love and miss you with all my heart. I will forever be the proudest mother of such a beautiful babygirl.