26 Weeks....

A little late on posting but it was a holiday week so I took advantage of it. I was a lazy bum most of this week. On Tuesday I had a doc appointment and I was able to see Dr. G. I love him. He is such a nice man. I've gained about 10 pounds total so he was satisfied with that. Well everything with Joey is going right on schedule. I was able to feel his head with my hands. It felt like a lemon. I received the H1N1 shot finally and I'm sooooo happy I didn't get sick from it like I did with the Flu shot. Dr. G and I discussed a little bit about what will go on for the next couple of weeks. I have an ultrasound on Friday and my doc appointments will be every two weeks from now on which means my next one is next Tuesday. Once I hit 32 weeks I will be going in everyweek. Then we'll discuss when I will be induced. So this little guy is coming alot sooner than we thought. When I told Joe the news it really hit me. I started to cry. It just felt that much more real. Can't wait.

In other baby Joey news, I felt him hiccup this week. It was so cute. He also made my belly wave like there was no tomorrow. Joe started talking to him and giving him kisses and he just went crazy in there. It just melts my heart.

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

By this week, your baby's crown-to-rump length is approximately 9.2 inches. Remember, that is only from the top of his head to his bottom and does not include his leg measurements! Your baby weighs almost 2 pounds and is beginning to put on weight. Your uterus is about 2.5 inches above your bellybutton and you will continue to grow approximately 1 cm each week. If you have been eating a well-balanced diet, you probably have gained about 16-22 pounds so far. Because your baby has moved further up, you may get occasional pain underneath your ribs. After a month of having his eyelids sealed shut, your baby begins to open his eyes again this week. Your baby's eyes are almost completely developed. Your baby's eyes are blue in the womb and may change colors later in life. This is true for all races because the pupils do not have their final color until a few months after birth. However, some babies are born with darker or lighter shades of blue. Your growing baby will continue to put on layers of fat until he is born. He is still lean at this point of the pregnancy though. By the time your baby is born, he will assume the typical newborn's plumpness. Your baby's skin will still be wrinkled and red, but the fat continues to fill the skin out. Finger and toe nails continue to grow. Blood vessels start to develop in the lungs to prepare the baby for life outside the uterus. Your baby's blood circulation is completely functional. The umbilical cord system continues to grow and thicken as blood travels with considerable force through the body to nurture the baby. The placenta is now almost equal in size to the baby. Even though it is still way too soon for your baby to be born yet, the chance of survival without severe abnormalities is now 70% provided it is born in a hospital.

[The 26 Week shot taken 11.21.09]

realizations....

I've come to realize that there are people that will never know what to do or say to a grieving mother. I just sit back and smile as best I could to go through with it. No matter how insensitive they are. It's not their fault they don't know the pain it is to lose a child. I am very happy for them that they don't know what it feels like and I pray that they never find out.

I've come to realize some people will never think of Mila as a real person. That however, I will not tolerate. She was as real as you and me. She was my first child, my first daughter.

And once again, I am a mother of TWO.

I've come to realize that some think I wasn't careful in my pregnancy with Mila and that what happened was somehow my fault. I did everything perfectly right with Mila. I had a wonderful pregnancy. I was very lucky for that. However, I was ignored when I was having symptoms to what led to everything that happened. To those people who ignored me.... FUCK YOU!

I've come realize over and over again that family is the most important thing in my life. My family are those that are closest to me. Being the same blood doesn't consider you my family. My real family are those who know my pain, who were there for me and Joe through our darkest hour and who will always be there for us as we will always be there for them. I have true love and am greatful for every single one of them.

I've come to realize that my little family although not complete here on this earth, will always be complete in my heart. And for that I am thankful.

I've come to realize....

"when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me, shine until tomorrow, let it be. I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be."

25 Weeks....

What a week. It was a great week. It started off with baby Joey's first concert. We went to the Metro to watch a friend play and oh boy was this baby moving everywhere. I'm pretty sure he bruised my insides. It was awesome though. I missed going to live shows. My love took my out on a date the next day which was perfect until we got home. I started having this horrible pain by my shoulder blade. I think I was laying on it weird. The pain continued on to the next morning. Every time I inhaled deeply, I felt sharp pain then all of a sudden in went away. Well now it's back. I think I slept wrong again. It's hard getting comfortable at night now. Also hard not to wake up in the middle of the night with the strong movements this lil babe makes. I love it though. It helps to calm my nerves.

I also went out to dinner with one of my best friends who I hadn't seen in months. It was great. We talked for hours. What I liked most was that we talked about Mila. I love when she gets acknowledged. I can't believe it's been almost 10 months. Wow. I miss her. This year has been a blur without her. I know she's smiling down on us though. I know and feel that she's in safe hands. I love you baby girl!

Well 99 Days left! My count down now begins. With the holidays coming up, I'm hoping it will fly by. Can't wait to meet the lil man inside of me that keeps beating me up. =)

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

Your baby's crown-to-rump length is about 8.8 inches. Weight has increased to around 1.5 pounds and fat is still being deposited at a high rate. Babies come in all shapes and sizes, so your baby could vary slightly from these `average` measurements. Your uterus has grown quite a bit bigger this week. The top of your uterus is between your bellybutton and your sternum. Your uterus is about the size of a soccer ball now! If your baby is delivered at this time, it would have a good chance of surviving. It is best for your baby to remain inside of you for the remainder of the pregnancy, but great advances have been made in the care of a premature baby. Ventilators, monitors and medications all help premature babies develop and grow outside of the womb. If your baby were born this early, he would probably have to spend several months in the hospital and would be more susceptible to infections and other complications. You can hear your baby's heartbeat with both a Doppler and a stethoscope at this time, and your partner may even be able to hear the heartbeat unaided if he puts his ear in the right position. Sex differentiation is being completed now. If you are expecting a baby boy, the testes start to descend into the scrotum. In baby girls, the vagina is hollowing out. Your baby is able to do more with their fingers now and can move his fingers to make a complete fist. As your baby becomes more dexterous, he will be able to touch and hold his feet. Babies also begin to prefer their left hand or right hand at this time. Because babies settle into routines of sleep and activity, you might begin to notice these patterns as well. Some women experience the most fetal movements while they are trying to rest.

~Tomorrow we start week 26

[The 25 Week shot taken 11.14.09]

blessed....

I like so many others have had to deal with an enormous amount of pain in our lives, with an emptiness in our hearts that will never be quite filled. However, I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. My Mila wasn't brought into our lives to cause us pain. I believe she was given to us to teach us about love. She was brought into our lives to teach us some lessons that maybe we haven't quite understood yet but we will when we are ready. And for that I am greatful.

I'm feeling truly blessed for everything I have in my life. God is great. I'm blessed to have the family and friends that I have, I'm blessed for my beautiful children God has gifted me with, and I'm extra blessed to have found my soul mate. The one person who has made me what I am today. He's amazing. I've found a special happiness with him that I never thought was possible. It's a bit cliche but he completes me.

Never take for granted what you have.

I believe there is someone out there for everyone. Never settle for less. Be with the one you love who shows you that same love back. What's meant to be will be. If you haven't found that yet, don't stress. God has a plan for you. You'll find your partner to walk in this life with.

Everything happens for a reason. Life gives you lessons. Those lessons lead the path to your survival. To your happiness which is what the majority of people thrive for. Fight for your happiness. Don't get buried alive.

"Life's not a song
Life isn't bliss
Life is just this:
It's living
You'll get along
The pain that you feel
You only can heal
By living
You have to go on living"

24 Weeks....

The belly has officially become a magnet. Not in the annoying way yet but maybe it's because it's been people who I really know and not just some random strangers. I'm sleeping less and less these days. I wake up way too easily with lil Joey's kicks. He's doing so good. At the ultrasound last Friday he's was moving everywhere. He weighs 1lb. 10oz! A little above average. That's my boy! It's so amazing how big he's gotten. Our ultrasound tech was awesome. Sweet lady. She always gives us a ton a pics. She even checked for the money shot again and yup still a penis. Joe and I just stared at the screen in awe. He was breached this time but they said that was normal so not worried about it. That would explain the jumping on my bladder that I've been feeling. Can not wait to meet him! Well yes I can wait but hopefully the next 15 weeks or so fly by. Oh and I've also started walking this week. I've been walking 1 mile everyday and feel great. I have Tina to thank for that. =)

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

This week your baby's crown-to-rump length is around 8.4 inches and your baby will weigh approximately 1.2 pounds. Although it weighs a little over a pound at this point, your growing baby is still tiny. Your uterus can easily be felt 1.5 to 2 inches above your bellybutton. The fetus does not appear to have much room in the uterus anymore, but as your pregnancy progresses, space gets much tighter! Your baby's face is basically complete now. The fetus's eyes are close together on the front of his face and they are still shut. Your baby's ears have moved into their final position on the sides of his head. Where they are now is where they will be when your baby is born! Hair will continue to grow on his scalp and his eyelashes are well developed. Most of your baby's features look the same as they will at birth. Because your growing baby is getting plumper, he no longer has room in your tummy to do cartwheels and somersaults. the unborn child is covered with a fine, downy hair called lanugo. Its tender skin is protected by a waxy substance called vernix. Some of this substance may still be on the child's skin at birth at which time it will be quickly absorbed. The child practices breathing by inhaling (up to a liter/day) amniotic fluid into developing lungs.

rina = author?....

I should really consider writing a book on things not to say or do to a baby lost mama. I mean really? The blind ignorance in some. Parading your child who was born the same time My Mila was born and saying are you sure you're ready for this or I bet you can't wait for this. Really? Actually that should be me. Trade places with me and see how that would feel. I know it's not done purposely to hurt me but come on! And for the douche that keeps on being a bigger douche, this is my second child! I feel I'm going to blow up at the next person who ignores Mila's existence.

Other than that I have been more of a positive person. Or at least trying to. This weekend was testing me a bit. Still trying to accept people for who they are knowing that they aren't going to change and to just get used to the fact. They have to be in my life no matter what so I pretty much have to. It takes alot of technique to just sit there and take some of their comments. I actually got quite embarassed at what someone made a big deal of in front of a whole room of people by twisting my words around. I haven't been embarassed in a long time but that sure got to me. Some people.... I hate the fact that people with a low self esteem have to make others feel lower than them to feel better about themselves. What ever makes their life better I guess. Again, I promise to be more accepting and not let it get to me. It's hard though. I know I'm in no way perfect, but I would never make some one feel stupid in front of others.

I have been in a better place for the most part and I can thank my beautiful fiance for that. I love him so much and he truly makes life that much better. He's my rock. He's my everything.

23 Weeks....

Ultrasound today! Yay I'm excited to see Joey up on the screen. I pray he is doing well. It sure seems like it with all the moving he does around in there. I've been feeling a lot better. And I feel like I'm getting a lot bigger. It's exciting. Being pregnant has it's ups and downs but secretly I Love it. I love being able to bond with little Joey in my womb. Can't wait to meet him. I can't wait to hold him. Seems like an eternity away but we'll get there. Trying to stay positive. Wow 16 more weeks to go. AAahhhhh

According to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/:

This week your baby's length, from crown-to-rump, is approximately 8 inches! Your growing baby has finally reached one pound. Your baby is about the size of a small baby doll and looks very human. The baby's face and body look similar to that of a newborn at this time. Your uterus can be found about 1.5 inches above your navel. Your total weight gain should be approximately 15 pounds at this time. You might notice some Braxton-Hicks contractions around this time. These contractions are not regular and they should not be painful. Braxton-Hicks contractions prepare your body for the upcoming labor and they will get stronger as your pregnancy progresses. You might be able to feel the contractions if you put your hand on your abdomen and your baby can probably feel the uterus gripping and massaging her. It will not harm your baby, so there is no need for concern. Fat is still being deposited at a rapid rate, but your baby still looks red and wrinkled. Skin is being produced at a higher rate than the fat is, so the skin hangs loosely. Your baby looks red because the skin is losing its transparency and pigment is beginning to form. You should be feeling your baby moving quite a bit throughout the day as she will kick and punch the uterus walls. Babies also run their hands along the umbilical cord and touch their body parts while they are in the womb. Your baby now can suck her thumb for real, where she was just sticking it in her mouth. Your baby will continue to swallow amniotic fluid and recycle it as urine. The liquids and sugars that the baby retracts from the fluid is a supplement to the nutrients that the placenta delivers. You might be able to feel small `jumps` inside of you when your baby gets the hiccups from swallowing fluid. The pancreas is developing and it will responsible for insulin production, to help break down sugars. Oily fish in your diet could help boost your baby's health. (Women who eat oily fish while pregnant have children with better visual development, a major study at Bristol University suggests.) As the baby continues to grow, it has less space to move around in the uterus. Bones, muscles and organs are growing steadily.

~Tomorrow we start week 24