dreams....

I had a dream last night. It was about a baby boy. I'm not sure if he was mine or not but it sure seemed like it. Anyway he was under a year old but for some reason he was able to talk. Well actually all he can do is count. He was counting in spanish all the way past 20. It was really weird. Then I took him by his hands and walked around with him in a spiral. It was a nice dream. Much better than I've had lately.

Yesterday we went to see Mila's headstone. It was finished. On the way there I saw a beautiful white bird flying above us. I couldn't stop starring at it. Well we got there, we saw it and I cried. It was beautiful for what it was. It killed me to see my daughter's name on it. But at the same time she deserves recognition so I can't wait until it's installed. I've gone to the cemetary a couple of times already and have wept over graves that weren't Mila. I wept alot especially because I couldn't find her and I did'nt know which one she was. Well yesterday we finally found exactly which one it was thanks to my lovely sis who asked where it was a couple of days ago. We went there after we saw the headstone. Her grave was decorated so pretty, again thanks to my sis. We put more things around like these beautiful flowers Joe and I picked out and signs that his mom bought. We sat there and cried not really saying anything. Joe just held me and I held him. It was a beautiful sunny day yesterday and I didn't want to leave. But we did. We'll be back once the headstone is in place. I can't wait.

I feel somewhat at peace when I'm near her. I know she's with me always, but there is something about that place. Something so comforting I guess. It's just really beautiful and colorful there. Nothing like I usually see cemetaries to be. There's flowers everywhere and sign and balloons galore. There are always people there when I go too so it's nice to know I'm not alone.

We're not alone....