Hush Now....

The ignorance of some people is astonishing. It comes in many different ways, shapes, and forms. How can people not control what they say at times? How can they sit there and judge your way of being so comfortably? How can they not see each and every person is an individual, unique if you will? How can they not see it's rude, hurtful, insensitive?

News flash, I am me! I do what I feel is what I need to do. I do what I want. I live the way I live because I love life this way. Decisions I make are because I feel they should be made.

Bottom line, I like what I like because I fucking LIKE IT! Enough said. No explanation needed. Why is that so hard to understand? I don't get it one bit. Please someone tell me why people need to give their rude two cents in when it's not needed? Does it make them feel good to try to embarrass others with their tactics? Or I get it , it's the they have a low self esteem so you have to pick on people to raise it.

I'm sick of it! I'm tired of just taking shit like that. The next time I get shit like this, I will explode and make someone feel as shitty as they make me feel. Not what I like to do at all but oh well. I don't care if it wasn't "intended" and I understand you can't teach old dogs new tricks, but you can smack the shit out of them.

So when I say something that I do in my life that you don't because it's not your style, don't state your opinion. I did not ask for it. When I want it you will know. Until then, keep your insensitive jerk comments to yourself. So what if you don't like my style? You can suck it. You're either in my life because you want to be or have to be. I know how it goes. That still doesn't give you the right to say asshole things to me and get away with it. Not anymore.

So warning, the next time this happens and I'm a bitch just know, no it's not my pregnancy hormones in anyway, it's me and my true feelings. I'm done being pushed around like that. It's ridiculous I go out of my way to be polite, not to hurt other peoples precious feelings, but mine get stomped away? I've had enough. It finishes right here!

This is in no way intended to be directed at a single individual for I get this a lot because I'm not the "typical young lady" I should be.

Just Hush Now....

13 Weeks....

Last day of week 13! Yay!!!! Time is not slowing down one bit. That's ok. I'm enjoying every bit of it. I have my bad days. I think I'm allowed to and it's healthier than keeping my emotions bottled up. I'm not one to just spill my feelings to make others feel awkward face to face. That's why I write here. Those who care to read can. And those who choose not to, that's ok too. I know I've contradicted myself before by saying I don't like to let my feelings out with strangers. Obviously this blog is open to all types of strangers, but I feel that if this can help some one else in any way by letting them into my process of healing, then it's well worth letting strangers into my life. That and those who know me but are scared of asking how I am or just want to know that I'm ok, well here you go. Here's a glimpse of how I'm doing and that I will be ok. Anyway....

I can't wait to feel my lil babe actually kick me hard enough so that daddy can feel. I know he can't wait either. That won't be for another couple of weeks though. I'm sure it'll go by fast. I'm feeling better. I have more energy. I'm definitely less crabby. That's always a good thing.

My mind is playing tricks on me. I dreamt of a baby girl twice now. Now I'm not to sure what to think we're having. I really really really hope we find out at our next ultrasound. It'll be a wonderful surprise either way. Things are going pretty well this week. Thanks to my loving fiance, this beautiful miracle growing inside of me, and my Mila who I know is with us always. I love my little family of 4....

According to www.i-am-pregnant.com:

There is a milky membrane that surrounds your baby. It is pierced by the umbilical cord and is made up of two layers, which are fused together. Your placenta provides most of the nutrients and oxygen that your baby needs. By this week, the placenta is well formed and ready to take over hormone manufacture from your ovaries. The placenta will produce progesterone and estriol. These hormones will be crucial in the maintenance of your pregnancy. Tissue that will form your baby's bones is being laid down, especially around the head and limbs. The nose and chin are becoming more prominent. Your baby's eyelids meet and fuse together and they will not open again for nearly four months. The eyes started out on the side of your baby's head and they are now moving closer together on the face. The ears come to lie in their normal position on the sides of the head. If examined outside of the womb, you will be able to distinguish male from female at this time. The sockets for all twenty teeth are formed in the gums, and vocal cords are beginning to form.

~Tomorrow we start week 14
Second trimester here we come!

doc appt....

I went to a doc appointment yesterday. It went freakin fantastic! I gained a pound so they were happy about that. I had a med student come in first and she seemed much more confident than the last. The first one I had was so soft spoken and nervous. She was really nice though as was this one. The one from yesterday was a talker. She was making me laugh the whole time. Anyway, everything looks normal. She found the baby's heartbeat right away! I love hearing that beautiful sound. It was at 155. Very normal which is what I love to hear. Then the real doc came in and talked to me for a bit. I had to reschedule the level II ultrasound so now it's on for the 25th of September. Booo, now I have to wait an extra week to find out what this lil babe is. That's ok. I think it's better that it got rescheduled. A week does make a difference in the baby's growth. I can't wait. It'll be here before I know.

I also went to visit my Mila yesterday. It was such a beautiful day. I was for the first time alone in that section. It felt kind of nice. I felt as if all of the babies there were flying over me. Then I spotted two fresh graves. I started to cry. I pray for those families to find hope. To find peace. To know that their babies will be ok.

I changed Mila's flowers and just sat there listening to music. So peaceful. For every tear that rolled down my cheek, a breeze came in and dried it away.

It was a beautiful day

I'm engaged....

I'm engaged to the most loving, caring, most beautiful man in the world. I couldn't be happier. It was a beautiful proposal. I was so surprised and impressed. And this beautiful ring that he picked out on his own is perfect. He knows me so well. I'm excited for our future together. I love him with every inch of my soul. I can't wait until the day we walk down the isle as husband and wife! He's my everything!

12 Weeks....

Well it was hell of a week. Of course I've written about mostly what happened so I won't bore with repeating it. I can't believe I'm done with the first trimester! It's going so fast and I'm glad it is. I can't wait to meet this lil babe! 6 more months to go....

According to www.i-am-pregnant.com:

Your baby's crown-to-rump length is almost 2.5 inches and she now weighs between 8 and 14 grams! In just three weeks, your baby's size has more than doubled and begins to look a lot more human. Even though you won't be able to feel your baby moving at this time, you can stimulate him and he will squint, open his mouth and move his fingers or toes.

Because most of the structures are already formed at this point, few will be formed after this time. The structures will continue to grow and develop throughout the remainder of your pregnancy. Your baby's skeletal system now has centers if bone formation in most of the bones. The digestive system is capable of making contractions that push food through the bowels and it is also able to absorb sugar. The pituitary gland beginning to make hormones. You will probably be able to hear your baby's heartbeat with a Doppler at this time!

Your baby develops reflexes and the skin is very sensitive. The brain is fully formed, and the child can feel pain. the baby may even suck his thumb. The eyelids now cover the eyes, and will remain shut until the seventh month to protect the delicate optical nerve fibers.