Wednesday, May 6, 2009

day and night....

I'm moving foward. So rapidly it seems. Tripping along the way. The days and nights come at me in a blur. I forget where I am in reality. I don't know how I got here or why. It's all very confusing to me. Instead of cruising through day by day, I feel as if I am speeding, running out of breath. And then I come to a hault. Something stops me. Or should I say someone. Memories bring me back to reality. Even if it's for a short time. I stop while I let a river flow through my eyes. The smoke lets out with each breath. I let absolutely no one see.

Then, I'm off again. Trying to catch that rainbow. Trying to find that peace. That tranquility. The shit through everyday life that just seems endless. I find myself occupied with whatever I can grasp. Loneliness is not an option. I hate it. Yet I feel it all the time. So i keep running. It's different everyday, yet the same. My heart pounding ridiculously fast, I feel one day it's going to tear and burst out of me. Just waiting on it. The "voice" in a whirlwind of thoughts. They can't be organized. They scream. They're endless. I stare blankly ahead. I'm not the same. I am not me. I am as close to being me only when I'm around him. I will only be me again once I'm with her.

I long to be with him.
I'll forever long to be with her.
I still feel her.

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